| The Adoption Option: Another Route to Parenting | |
| by Elayne Clift | |
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Editor’s note: Susan Baxter and Casey Johnson are pseudonyms to protect the privacy of these Vermont families’ personal decisions. After several miscarriages, multiple diagnostics, an intrauterine insemination, and holistic approaches, Susan Baxter and her husband began a rigorous adoption process in 2011; two years ago, the agency they worked with “cleared them” for adoption. The long waiting is stressful, and she continues to experience “cycles of grief.” Susan’s biggest worries included the financial risks, the birth mother’s possible substance abuse, and “the potential of not bonding.” She and her husband are now thinking about choosing to be childfree. Susan says they “have to move on with [their] lives.” They may try fostering children who need homes, or volunteering as hosts through Fresh Air Kids, which brings inner city children to Vermont. After several miscarriages, Casey Johnson and her husband began researching adoption in 2012. They found an agency they trusted. They talked with many adoptive parents who’d had positive experiences. But as the couple came closer to entering a contractual agreement with the agency, they realized they weren’t emotionally ready. They felt discouraged by high costs, an extensive application process and an unpredictable wait time. The couple is now pursuing gestational surrogacy. |
Tammy and Naomie Julius-Paige were both in their 30s when they decided to start a family six years ago. After Naomie had 13 unsuccessful intrauterine inseminations, followed by two failed IVF (in vitro fertilization) attempts, the couple considered adoption. Well into their careers, with a house and sufficient savings in hand, they felt they were “in the right place,” as Tammy puts it. “We live in a different time now. The world is better about such things,” Tammy says. Reflecting on their adoption experience, she adds, “If things had been different, we would not have had these two little boys, whom we love so much. It’s true that the perfect, right child comes along for you. This is our family, we’re all linked, and it’s just been great.” As these three examples show, people considering adoption have their own special story, myriad emotions, and a particular set of circumstances that will make their experience unique. Adoption combines a difficult decision with a long process that can feel overwhelming. And adoption itself has changed over the years. |
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 Brian, Jon & Ian |
Between 1854-1929, about 200,000 children in Eastern urban areas, most of them children of down-on-their luck immigrants or unwed mothers, were put on “orphan trains” and taken to rural sites in the Midwest and West in search of homes. At each stop, children were “put up” on platforms to see if anyone wanted them—thus the phrase “put up for adoption.” Later adoption homes had nurseries full of infants waiting for families to claim them. But now, as a result of a lower birth rate, coupled with women’s financial viability and a lessened stigma for single motherhood, families have to wait for babies. In the recent past, families have reached out for international adoptions. In 2007, Americans adopted almost 20,000 children from abroad. By 2011 that number had declined to just over 9,000, as countries like China, Russia and South Korea, also faced with lowered birth rates, became more restrictive. Whatever the challenges of today’s adoptions, the words of Dawn Smith-Pliner, an adoption agency founder, are important to keep in mind. “Adoption is a circle, gentle and well-connected. We each have to work out in our own hearts what role genes play in our being connected.” |
There are four types of adoption in the U.S.: adopting a child already living in foster care, usually through a government agency; fostering a child with the expectation that the child will become legally freed for adoption; adopting with the help of an agency facilitator or lawyer; and adopting independently without an intermediary agency or person involved. Two other terms are associated. In a “closed adoption,” no identifying information about the birth family or the adoptive family is shared; the families have no contact with each other. Records are sealed once the adoption is legally binding. An “open adoption” includes some form of communication and association between the birth parents and the adoptive parents. The child is included in whatever exchanges take place. These can range from sharing letters and pictures to phone calls, contact through an intermediary, or open contact among the parties themselves. In some cases, sealed records may become available to the adopted child when she or he reaches maturity. This is often true in Vermont, where most adoptions are open and encouraged. Today an infant adoption is more likely to be an open adoption, as is a child adopted at an age when she or he knows about the birth family or siblings and how to contact them. Approximately 70 percent of all domestic adoptions are now open. Since more people want to adopt an infant than there are available babies, many try to adopt on their own, with the help of a lawyer, doctor or other facilitator. Known as an independent adoption, this is legal in most states, including Vermont, where a licensed adoption attorney is needed. But in this kind of adoption, infants are often ineligible for financial assistance should they prove to have special needs. And while it may be possible to adopt an infant independently with the help of an agency, there can still be a long wait time before a child is identified.
You can be single, married, living with a partner or in a civil union and adopt in Vermont, as long as you are at least 21-years-old. Restrictions regarding race, gender, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation may arise if the adoption is international; such roadblocks are less likely in domestic adoptions. All Vermont adoptions, even if independent, require a “home study” by an approved agency. Prospective parents and their home are assessed on a number of criteria (e.g., safety and size of home, financial status of family, parenting philosophies); the state requires these to be conducted by an approved agency. In the case of adoption of a child from another country, your agency or attorney should not only be licensed in the state, but also experienced in adoptions from the child’s birth country. Older child adoptions, foster care and special needs adoptions are usually facilitated through Vt. Social Services or the Vt. Dept. of Children and Families. Two of the most recognized adoption agencies in the state are Lund, formerly The Lund Home, founded in 1890, and headquartered in Burlington, and Friends in Adoption (FIA), which started in 1982, in Poultney. Both agencies serve families statewide. The Lund, founded by ten Vermont women to help “destitute women,” was originally named The Home for Friendless Women. It has gone through several iterations, only becoming Lund in 2012. Their main campus is in Chittenden County, though they travel “throughout the state to meet the needs of our clients,” says Wanda Audette, Lund’s Director of Adoption. Julia Connor, Private Adoption Coordinator, adds, “Over the course of its history, Lund has coordinated more than 10,000 adoptions. We know that the make-up of families varies, both with birth families and adoptive families. The course of matching an adoptive family and birth family together is one of the most important parts of our individualized adoption process.” Lund does domestic adoptions only. It offers a sliding scale fee structure and offers lifelong support to both the adoptive families and the birth families. Friends in Adoption (FIA) was founded by Dawn Smith-Pliner, shortly after she and her husband learned they couldn’t conceive a child. Turned down by several agencies for reasons that would be irrelevant today, they adopted two children independently without agency assistance. Then, with a friend’s help, Smith-Pliner started a non-profit service to provide information on private adoptions, and then formed FIA. “Our mission,” Smith-Pliner says, “is to keep the central focus on the needs of each child, and to provide compassionate adoption services for the unique individuals involved in the adoption process.” FIA strongly supports open adoption, and places 40-60 children a year in domestic adoptions.
More than 200,000 children from other countries have been adopted by American families over the last several decades. However, international adoption has become more challenging in recent years. According to writer Lisa Milbrand, writing for www.parent.com, “An international treaty that now governs adoption, and seismic shifts in the number of children adopted from previously popular countries like China and Guatemala, have ushered in a new era—one with fewer children being adopted, but with more openness and less chance for corruption.” A constantly updated list of countries with active, accredited adoption programs is available on the U.S. State Department’s website (www.adoption.state.gov). It’s important to check the rules for listed countries. Many impose health or age restrictions, or refuse adoption to single or gay parents. Some insist that adoptive parents share the religion of the child’s country of origin. Citizenship and Immigration Service, the U. S. State Dept., and the child’s country will all apply. Independent intercountry adoptions put the burden of working through all the requirements on the adoptive parents’ shoulders. An agency adoption reduces risk and insures monitoring and oversight. With either route, be prepared for paperwork and more paperwork, changing rules and regulations and frustrations. Expect delays, and stay flexible. When adopting from another country, at least one prospective parent must be a U.S. citizen. A visa is required for the child who will be entering the U.S. as an immediate relative. |
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Along the way, adoptive parents are likely to work with lawyers, judges, adoption agencies, social workers, child advocates or others. Wherever possible, research credentials and track records. The first step to adoption requires birth parents legally terminate their parental rights. But the adoption is only complete when a court recognizes the adoptive parents as the child’s permanent, legal parents. Along the way are several legal milestones. Some states require a period of time in which the birth parent may appeal involuntary termination; termination of parental rights in some states can be revoked until the court enters a final termination decree. Low-risk adoptions include cases with little chance the child will return to the birth family. When parents have relinquished parental rights, the court must then enter a final termination decree. Adoption requires many more documents. The adoptive family’s application and home study requires copies of birth certificates, a certified copy of a marriage license (or divorce decree) if applicable, and a copy of paycheck stubs or completed income tax forms. A consent to adoption from a licensed agency documents the adoptive family has met all state requirements. And if a child is twelve or older, the consent of the child may also be required. |
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| Upon adoption, an amended birth certificate is issued. State law determines who has access to the original birth certificate or other adoption records, and whether or not records will be sealed. In order to claim an adopted child as a dependent for tax purposes, the child must have a social security number. In the case of an open adoption, where birth parents and adoptive parents agree to some contact, the terms of the contact between the parties must be specified and signed by both—though it is not necessarily legally binding.
The cost of adoption may shock you. While foster care adoptions can range from no cost to $2,500, most sources estimate the total cost of independent, agency-facilitated and international adoptions likely to be closer to a $40,000-$60,000 figure. Expenses range from legal and agency fees to the cost of travel, food and lodging. Adopting an infant involves higher fees while adopting an older, waiting child can reduce these. Foster adoption involves few if any costs to the adoptive family. According to the National Adoption Center a growing number of companies and government agencies offer a range of adoption benefits. Federal legislation, The Hope for Children Act, provides an adoption tax credit of $10,000 for all adoptions and a tax exclusion of up to $10,000 for employer-provided adoption benefits. (For more information visit www.irs.ustreas.gov) Sliding scales and payment plans are also in place in some agencies, so it’s important to ask about these. A typical payment is paid in three portions, the first when filing an application, the second after a home study, and the third at a child’s placement.
The paperwork is daunting. The waiting is stressful. Doubts may compound as risk factors in the health history of a child or birth parents surface. Emotional issues between partners may arise. Adoptive parents grapple with feelings about non-genetic connections. They may struggle with how to talk about the adoption. Or worry about how to help, should their child confront a painful or uncertain past. But the rewards of adopting are many. As Wanda Audette, Lund’s Director of Adoption and herself the mother of two adopted children puts it, “It’s a loving choice and a wonderful, chosen way to be a family. We can’t forget the path by which our children came to us. But we can celebrate it, while being open to questions about that path.” Adds Dawn Smith-Pliner, “We can all move ahead in a healthy way. We’re a family and we help each other.”
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Elayne Clift (www.elayneclift.com) writes about women, health and social issues from Saxtons River, Vt. Her article about infertility appeared in the last issue of Vermont Woman.
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